What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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