Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize