How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just high enough for therapy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
