From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
