I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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