I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
