I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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