im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
