trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
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Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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