She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
