She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
