WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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