Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
