I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize