Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
