How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
