when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize