his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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