My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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