new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so let's talk penis.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize