Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
