i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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