I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
