why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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