Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
