come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
