I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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