my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
