Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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