i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
