Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
farters have to be the big spoon...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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