I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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