can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
