I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
