just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
