And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
