im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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