So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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