I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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