Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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