the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
