When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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