Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
