I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
