Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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