i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
