I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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