I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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