I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
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Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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