I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
