Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize