just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
