Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
