I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
