HIV tests are more positive than that guy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
