i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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