Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
