I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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